If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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