Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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