the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
