I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
