i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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