i'm lost and i look like a hooker
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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