so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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