Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
