Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
