Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
