At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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