My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
