I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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