Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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