Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
