Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
