Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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