At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
