Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't turn off my feet"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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