I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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