hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
