Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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