well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
