I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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