just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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