Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
