party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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