Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
