I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
