Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
