my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
