Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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