If that was your dad, he is hot
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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