a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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