Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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