Your face is a jimmy john
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
