once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
