i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
