using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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