I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
