ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
