yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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