Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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