so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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