My brain says no but my pants say off.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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