Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
