Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
