Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
