It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
