I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am spending my child support on dildos
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize