Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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