hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
