so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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