you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
