First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
