I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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