So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
