My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
