You're my little dorito
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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