I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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