Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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