now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
