dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
