At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
