i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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