Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
