yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
