I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
