Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
