Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
