I'm so fucking centered right now
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
