Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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