I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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