Can i not drive my cunt home
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
