Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
